Meg's Most Embarrasing Moments: Soggy Bottom Girl

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Soggy Bottom Girl

I am a klutz. I do not say this to put myself down it is simply a statement of fact. I burn myself practically every time I cook or tend to our woodstove, I have a shirt that says, “I spill things” and I managed to get a stain on the back and I can’t walk across a flat surface without turning my ankle. Honestly I’m surprised I haven’t broken more bones than I have. The term “klutz” is not severe enough to adequately describe my condition, but it will have to do.

I was sitting on stage at Grace Community Church in Anchorage, AK, like I did every Saturday night. I sang on a worship team with two of the greatest people I’ve ever known, Mike & Michelle. We had sung together for so long we knew each other’s voices really well and they had begged to back me up on the solo I was to sing that night. We made a great team. I was wearing navy pants and a long, slouchy navy sweater. This detail is important, trust me.

The schedule that night was that we would sing worship songs for a while as a team, led by our worship pastor, Allen, then one of the elders would do a scripture reading and pray. During the prayer I would take my microphone and step forward and as soon as he was done I would sing my song.

During the prayer we were seated at the back of the elevated stage and I decided to take a sip of water. Then the water cup slipped from my hand and spilled what was left, about four ounces, into my lap. Cold water.  My eyes went wide as a hiss slipped out from between my teeth. What would I do? I had only seconds until I had to stand up and sing.

I looked to my left for advice from Michelle, but realized she was going to be no help at all. Holding her mouth, with her face looking away from me she was red-faced and shaking with suppressed laughter. So I looked to my right at Mike. Same deal!

So I stood to my feet, leaving a puddle in my chair and walked to the center of the platform hoping that the dark color of my outfit & the shadows from the lighting would hide the fact that I looked like I had peed myself.

Just before the prayer ended I glanced back at my back-up singers to see if they had gotten it together. Mike was holding my microphone out to me because in my horror and sogginess I had completely forgotten to take it with me. This made them both laugh even harder.

The prayer ended, the accompanist (who was completely oblivious) started to play the intro and I sang my heart out. The background vocals were noticeably absent from the first chorus, but they managed to pull it together by the second chorus.

Needless to say, I didn’t drink anything on the platform for a very long time!

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